208 days ago
Tony “I
was thinking of growing a bit of designer stubble, what do you think?”
Jean “Designer stubble, really.”
Tony “Yeah. Loads of guys have it. They were saying in the office that it would suit me.”
Jean “Oh, who in particular in the office?”
Tony “Nobody in particular, they just thought it would, you know, look good on me.”
Jean “So they all had a vote on whether you should have designer stubble.”
Tony “No, not exactly. What’s the problem?”
Jean “Tony, if you feel the need for designer stubble I’m sure you don’t need my permission. Jesus, just because some silly bit of an office girl flatters you a bit. God you’re such a obvious selfish bastard.” more...
229 days ago
Jean “There was a guy on the tele today saying that in his view all men are basically programmed to have sex with any available female. What do you think?”
Tony “Sounds like a load of rubbish to me.”
Jean “You don’t think he’s right then.”
Tony “No, not really.”
Jean “What do you mean not really?”
Tony “Well a bloke wouldn’t would he, even if he felt like it.”
Jean “So you think this guy’s right, but a man’s personal circumstances might stop him, like if he was married or something.”
Tony “Er, yeah, I s’pose so.”
Jean “So the only thing stopping you shagging that barmaid tart at the local is me?”
Tony “Well I wouldn’t put it…..”
Jean “Oh fuck off Tony, your such a predictable selfish bastard.”
more...
271 days ago
Tony “Think I’ll pop down the Lion for a couple.”
Jean “Thought you liked this programme.”
Tony “It’s alright, I’m not fussed though.”
Jean “Well put something else on if you want.”
Tony “No honest, quite fancy a couple of beers.”
Jean …
Tony “Don’t mind do you?”
Jean “Tony, if I minded, we’d be divorced years ago. Why change the habit of a lifetime?”
Tony “Right then.”
Jean “Oh fuck off Tony, you’re such an imperceptive selfish bastard.”
more...
312 days ago
Jean “Mary says there’s a new barmaid at the Fox.”
Tony ……….
Jean “She says she’s a bit of a vamp, divorcee apparently.”
Tony “Oh?”
Jean “You haven’t seen her then.”
Tony “Yeah, think Pauline's her name…nice woman.”
Jean “Apparently she has a huge cleavage that she’s not shy about.”
Tony “Erm, s’pose she has now you come to mention it.”
Jean “Just thought it odd that you didn’t.”
Tony “Didn’t what?”
Jean “Mention it.”
Tony “Her cleavage?”
Jean “No… just the fact that…oh fuck off Tony, you’re such an annoying selfish bastard.” more...
383 days ago
Jean “You remember Jill and Peter?”
Tony “No, should I?”
Jean “That couple we met in Portugal a few years ago, they invited us back to their villa?”
Tony “oh yeah, the ones that wanted to….”
Jean “That’s them, she’s always kept in touch. Apparently they wanted to split up but to save complications they’re settling for an open marriage””
Tony “Really, well well”
Jean “Can’t see it working. Don’t you think it’s ridiculous that people can live under the same roof but do what they like?”
Tony..”Actually….
Jean “Don’t fucking go there Tony, don’t even think about it. My god you’re such a feckless selfish bastard” more...
390 days ago
Tony “Picked this up in the sales, what do you think?”
Jean “If you were 20 years younger I’d say it was very cool.”
Tony “What do you mean?”
Jean “Just thought you’d left denim jackets behind, with your cowboy boots.”
Tony “Oh yeah, dug them out of the wardrobe, they’re still in good nick”
Jean “So you’ve finally lost your bloody marbles. Jesus, I’ve read about men trying to recapture their youth but I didn’t expect it from you”
Tony “What’s up, can’t see any harm in it?”
Jean “No, you can’t can you, you really can’t. God Tony, you’re such a juvenile selfish bastard” more...
402 days ago
Tony “The local’s looking to set up a darts team”
Jean “Are they indeed”
Tony “Mmm”
Jean “And you’d like to join I presume?”
Tony “Not really, haven’t played darts for years”
Jean “At this point I’m supposed to say oh darling I think you should, it’ll get you out of the house blah blah blah”
Tony ………….
Jean “Oh I see, the poor old henpecked husband routine”
Tony “I’ve said I’m not bothered, George and Freddie have signed up but it’s no big deal”
Jean "Tony, join the fucking darts team, perhaps it'll even fall on the one night you do stay in. My god, you're such a devious selfish bastard"
more...
420 days ago
Tony “Bob says he and Tina are having an amazing sex life now”
Jean “Oh?”
Tony “He says they sent off for this DVD they found on the internet. Apparently it shows all sorts of stuff, you know, different positions and stuff”
Jean “Go on”
Tony “What?”
Jean “Go on then”
Tony “Don’t know what you mean”
Jean “I’m waiting for you to say you want us to send off for it”
Tony “No, I wasn’t going to say that”
Jean "You were. God Tony, you're such a lying selfish bastard"
more...
451 days ago
Jean “Tony, stop…turn over”
Tony “I’m sorry Jean, I know I’m a bit pissed, but do we need to talk about our sex life?”
Jean “I don’t know, do we?”
Tony “Well, I was working it out the other day. I calculated we have it about once every nine weeks”
Jean “And?”
Tony “Well, I was just thinking, it’s not much is it?”
Jean “My god Tony, we’ve been married for nineteen years”
Tony “Yeah but sometimes I just need a fuck you know?”
Jean “well, isn’t that just absolutely charming”
Tony “What?”
Jean “you just need a fuck? My god, I'm your wife, is that what we’re reduced to?”
Tony “Does it for me”
Jean “You are in such deep shit in the morning, you tacky selfish bastard.” more...
457 days ago
Jean “I suppose you don’t remember you had your underpants on your head when you got in last night. Also you danced around the bedroom and wee’d in the wardrobe again”
Tony “Did I? Shit, it was the rugby do …I’m really sorry Jean”
Jean “You don’t need to apologise to me Tony. I suppose you were flashing your tackle to all and sundry, those are the people you should apologise to”
Tony “Why… they all thought it was really funny”
Jean “Have you ever thought they’re laughing at you not with you?”
Tony “No”
Jean “My god Tony, you still think it’s funny don’t you?”
Tony “No”
Jean “ Yes you do, my god Tony, your’e such a naïve selfish bastard” more...
