Dear Barnaby,

I've been married for about a year now and everything is great except for my father in law. he seems to take the view that just because i married his son he can take liberties with me. He's forever touching me up and laughing in front of everyone and his language and manners are disgusting. Nobody in my husbands family, including him, thinks this is remotely unusual. Ive seen your site on my husbands lap top and you seem to have a good turn of phrase. How can I solve this without upsetting my husband and causing a huge family upset?

Dear Barnaby,

I read your book and the bit that relates to the gay guy where you never spoke to him again. Doesn't that make you anti gay and seemingly anti women as well? What sort of an asshole are you?

Dear Barnaby, I've got a genuine situation. You'll find this bizarre but I know my wife is having an affair with my best friend. I've looked at her mobile while shes asleep and he sends her dirty texts and meeting arrangements. I don't know how to deal with it. I know that once i challenge her the cats out of the bag and god knows what will happen. At least things are stable as they are and I have a semblance of a marriage. What do you think?

Dear Barnaby, My wife likes to go out with her mates at least twice a week and some nights, normally fridays, she doesn't get home till 4 or 5 in the morning. I've asked her why she's so late and she says the clubs dont close till late and she has trouble getting a cab home. I really love her but can I believe her. She spends ages in the bathroom when she gets in, she says she likes to relax in the shower after all the dancing. whats going on Barny?

Dear Barnaby,

I idolise my wife and can see no rhyme or reason for your poisonous attitude to women. I can only say where would we be be without them?

Dear Barnaby,

I caught my wife snogging a bloke in the pub car park. She says it was just a drunken thing and to forget it but I cant. She shouldn't be sneaking out and doing that sort of thing should she?

dear Barney,

My girlfriend likes to be fucked from behind, it's her passion. Problem is my cock just doesn't seem to be big enough. In the missionary position I'm fine and she seems satisfied but she always wants it her way and I can tell she's disappointed. What can I do?

I really fancy my grandmother, is it wrong to want to fuck your gran?

Dear Barnaby
My husband has a drink Problem.. He keeps spilling it....is this normal?
Ps. He also farts when we make love, the smell can be quite offputting, do you have any suggestions how we can best remedy this? It can sometimes lead to soiling of the sheets and as they are satin they are very expensive. Do you think that I should divorce him?

Dear Barnaby,

Im married to a beautiful lass and we have two lovely kids. All in all I'm perfectly happy. problem is i go out every Friday to the quays and theres a cracking lass there that puts it on a plate for me every week. ive had a bit of a snog with her on the dance floor and shes told me she wants to have sex with me. All my mates say I'm mad not to do it but I just feel so rotten about the wife. I'm only 27. Should I go for it barny?

Dear Barnaby,

I want to shit on my wife's face. She says no but I told her its just fun and that if she loved me she'd do it. What do you think?

Dear Barnaby,

I just want my girlfriend to give me a blow job. Everything else is perfect but try as I may she cant do it. Once when she was asleep I straddled her face and got my nob between her lips. Problem was I came instantly and when she woke she thought she'd been sick. Am i so wrong to want this?