Dear Barnaby,

A friend told me about your website. I love the letters, think they're hilarious but I think you make them up. Anyway, what do you think of this, I swear it's absolutely true. A few years ago the woman next door ask me to pick up an armchair from her mothers place in my van. She said she'd come with me because her mother wouldn't be able to come to the door. When we arrived there was no sign of her mother. She said she must be out and would I like a cup of tea while we wait. While we're drinking tea she says to me, "look, my mum's actually in hospital. I got you here to ask if you fancy having sex with me. My old man's lost interest in me and I'm bored senseless." Needless to say I got out of there quick. Don't you think that's amazing?

Dear Barnaby,

I've downloaded the book and realise I'm a Noballs man. We've even got one of those pathetic leather TV Times covers. I showed it to my wife and she read a bit and said you were a tosser and that I wouldn't dare to become a Ballsman. I know I should do something but I'm scared of change. Any ideas.

Dear Barnaby,

I log on almost every night and downloaded the book yesterday. There are lots of Brits here and I just wanted to say hi to you barney. I love your Brit manners and I'd love to find a nice guy over here but god they are so hard to find. Here its John Wayne or tough shit.

Dear Barnaby,

I know lots of your contributors aren't serious but this is. I recognise that my wife dominates me and I hate it. But it seems impossible to me that I can change it. In most respects we get on ok and sex is fine (when we have it) I'd just like to have the odd beer with my mates without a huge row, have a bit more say in the home and more sex. If I rock the boat I might end up with nothing. Is it really worth trying to change it?

Barnaby,
 
I love your work and you might just be the guy to help.
 
I love my wife. When I say love, I probably mean I've never loved anyone else because we've been together since our teens.
 
Our life is organised, disciplined, structured and timetabled for the next (fuck knows) how many years.
 
I would love, just once, to drag her by the hair into the bedroom, fuck her hard - where I want to - cum over her face, take a photograph and tell her I'm going to the the pub and fuck knows when I'll be back!
 
Shit Barnaby, its never really going to happen but I'd like it too. Help!
 
PS Your book really is fantastic and truly inspirational; if only it was around all those years ago.
 
Nigel- Weymouth

Dear Barnaby, My wife likes to go out with her mates at least twice a week and some nights, normally fridays, she doesn't get home till 4 or 5 in the morning. I've asked her why she's so late and she says the clubs dont close till late and she has trouble getting a cab home. I really love her but can I believe her. She spends ages in the bathroom when she gets in, she says she likes to relax in the shower after all the dancing. whats going on Barny?

I guess you would despise me if you met me. My life is completely run by my wife. She decides what we do, what we eat, who we see, what we watch on TV, she books the holidays and runs the finances. She buys all my clothes and even combs my hair in the morning. Is it really so bad, I'm happy, isnt that all that counts?

Dear Barnaby,

Im 48, married with two grown up kids. last night I was humping my old lady the same way I have for 20 years, like pumping up a fucking tyre. She was her usual passive self, eyes closed and dumbstruck. I was, as usual, desperately seeking some visualization that would help me get off. is it always going to be like this, for another 20 years? If Im honest Id like some fresh pussy and go to the bar with my buddies.

Dear Barnaby,

I idolise my wife and can see no rhyme or reason for your poisonous attitude to women. I can only say where would we be be without them?

Dear Barnaby,

I caught my wife snogging a bloke in the pub car park. She says it was just a drunken thing and to forget it but I cant. She shouldn't be sneaking out and doing that sort of thing should she?

Dear Barnaby,

My wife came home last week and said she wants to have sex with a colleague at work. She says she's fancied him for a long time and has resisted the temptation because she didn't want to hurt me if i found out. Now she says she wants to do it but doesn't want our marriage to break up but just wants my permission. i know our sex life has been crap for ages as I just lost interest, but I'm gobsmacked at her request. What do you think?

dear Barney,

My girlfriend likes to be fucked from behind, it's her passion. Problem is my cock just doesn't seem to be big enough. In the missionary position I'm fine and she seems satisfied but she always wants it her way and I can tell she's disappointed. What can I do?

Dear Barney,

The other day my boss called me into his office, there were papers all over the floor in front of his desk. He said would I mind picking them up, he'd dropped them and he needed them for a meeting. While I was bending down I noticed he was sort  of catching his breath and there was a thumping noise from under his desk. I put the papers on his desk and he looked up and sort of growled at me, his face had gone all red. Is he ill?

My wife insists on not shaving down below. She says why should she, she 's quite happy with her body and she can see no reason to shave her body to please me. All my pals in the local say that you can't beat a bare pussy and it seems to me that all their wives are bareback. Why won't she do it for me?

dear Barney,

Got any clues on pulling women? I seem to go to the same bars and clubs and every night  seems to end up the same, a couple of clumsy conversations and no pull and no shag. it's getting me down.

Dear Barnaby
My husband has a drink Problem.. He keeps spilling it....is this normal?
Ps. He also farts when we make love, the smell can be quite offputting, do you have any suggestions how we can best remedy this? It can sometimes lead to soiling of the sheets and as they are satin they are very expensive. Do you think that I should divorce him?

Dear Barnaby,

Great site Barny. Funny book too. I showed the chapter "How was it for you" around at work and all the girls agreed it was their men to a tee. I know you're joking but it's no fun being married to a Noballsman.

Dear Barnaby,

My sister, who hates my wife, is always getting on to me to stand up for myself so she downloaded your book. I've read it and I can recognise myself as the third type of NBM but my sis says Im the first type. I do take my video cam everywhere but I just like playing with it. I've told my sister I see no point in engaging in a battle with my wife that I simply cant win. Am I right?